I tried as hard as I could, for as long as I could to keep the fears at bay. But last night they finally won the battle and they swooped in and overtook me.
How do I know this? 1) couldn't sleep at all last night which is a telltale sign that my brain is too addled with worry to shut down. 2) my stomach kept going from feeling like I was going to puke to the most intense cramping pain ever. Besides lack of sleep, I always know I'm stressed to the max when I start having stomach issues. I carry all my fear and worry and push it down into my gut, literally it seems and I start having physical reactions like that.
What am I so stressed/worried about, you may ask. Well, for the last month I've known that I wouldn't be able to afford to keep my apartment because I'm on a very limited fixed income and recieve hardly ANY child support, so basically have to support me and 2 kids on the pittance I make a month.
So I've been trying for the last month to find someplace to live. I've tried both trying to find someone who would be willing to be a roomate, but I got the same reply... sorry, not looking to room with someone with kids. Then I tried looking into rooms to rent... same reply... sorry, not looking to rent to someone with kids.
So then I've been on the hunt for a 1 bedroom apartment that 1) I can afford (meaning less than $500 a month) and 2) Looks safe enough for a little defenseless woman with 2 small children to live in without fear of being shanked or worse in the parking lot.
So far... no luck. But I have to be out of my place by the 30th. Which means I need to start moving into a place by the 27th b/c I figure I will need 3 days to move/clean. Well today is the 20th... So I need to start living somewhere else in 1 week! AHHHHHH.
I guess I'm to the point where I have to decide. Do I live somewhere that looks safe, and yet is out of my price range, and try to live "In the hole" every month and be late on all my bills all the time? Or live somewhere in my price range where I don't feel safe at all?
Let me tell you... it's not a fun or easy choice to make. But I've been backed into a corner, I have no other options. I still have yet to find a better job where I can make more. I applied for daycare assistance so hopefully if that goes through I will be able to start school in the fall so that I CAN get a better job. But until then, I'm floundering.
My family situation is so shitty I can't really go live with any of them. All my friends are sweet, but they don't want a roomate with kids. My boyfriend loves me and the kids but we've only been together 3 months and thats way to much to ask of a new relationship.
So I'm stuck. Left with making a decision where there is no good answer. Just have to decide which is the lesser of 2 evils. Wish me luck!
Hang in there Amanda. I have lived in not so nice places for 6 years of my life and Im still alive. If it was me I would go the finacial easier way. Even if it meant in a crappy neighborhood. It would only be for a short time and not permanent. You will always have the option to move to another place.
ReplyDeleteAlso have you tried looking in Newberg? Its decent place and I know a child care provider there. Shes state certified and for reasonable on cost and flexable. Great with kids. She has two of her own.
Also have you tried joking around with your boyfriend on that matter to see his reaction? you could just say man this looking for an apartment is very stressful. Do you need a roomate? hahahah. You may be suprised by his response. Maybe he would do that for you. If he's not up for it. Then you can just laugh it off and just say I was just joking and change the subject. But you wont know untill you ask.
My husband was fine with us staying at his house all the time. our clothes moved in more and more each day. Once he sold his house he moved to my moms house.
Just dont give up. Just because the first trys have failed doesnt mean there is no hope. Life is going to throw you lemons. You just have to get right back up and keep fighting back.
Its sad to think people are seeing having kids as a bad thing. And I would have got on assistance a long time ago. That program is meant for situations like yours. Your work your but off hard to barely skim by. You pay your taxes. You deserve to be helped when needed. Its also a temp solutiion till you get back on your feet. There are so many people out there on assistance tat dont pay taxes or work just because they get a better income from state assistance. Dont feel ashamed with getting help. You pay taxes on those programs so techinically your just using the money you have put into the program from all the years you have worked.
*HUGS*
I'm not sure what situations it has been where people tell you you can't rent from them because you have kids but just know that is illegal. It's against Fair Housing laws to refuse rental to anyone becaus of familial status. There are restrictions agains the amount of people vs. amount of bedrooms, so you may run into issues if you're looking for studios or one bedrooms, but if it's 2 bedrooms or something like a 1 bedroom with a den they can't refuse you! Have you looked at any restricted income places? They are often a little nicer but difficult to get into because of high demand but you might get lucky! I will be on the look-out for you if I hear of anything that sounds good - best of luck!
ReplyDelete-Adi