I can always make you smile

Sometimes I get a little down when I think about the 9 years I wasted with my ex. I got married so young (19) and gave up so many opportunities to be with him. College being the biggest.

But I'm only 26... I'm in no way shape or form "old", I'm still quite young, so there's plenty of time to go to school and accomplish my dreams.

Sure, it's going to be a little harder with 2 little kiddos, but I'm smart, I'm strong, I'm dedicated, and I have goals. That's half the battle right there, I think.

A lot of people are too lazy, or don't know what they want to do, or even, what the want out of life. I know exactly what I want.

I want to go to school, and become a nurse. I'd like to be able to support myself and my family, without having to rely on government assistance, or anyone else for that matter.

My ex signed the divorce papers on Friday, so I should be served by this Friday, I'm hoping. And pretty much since we've already done mediation and agree on all the terms, once I sign them, and they get turned back in, it's a done deal. No 30 or 60 day waiting periods. It will be so nice to finally be FREE of HIM.

It's such a relief that he  hasn't ruined love for me. For the longest time after we split, I thought maybe either I would never find love again, or that maybe it just wasn't worth it b/c it only causes pain.

But I surprised myself by not only finding someone that I've fallen in love with... but someone that already, I love more than I ever loved my ex. And it's only been 3 months. That just goest to show you how terrible my ex was, and how amazing my boyfriend is!

Sometimes I feel like with my ex, it was highschool puppy love, that just ended up becoming love for someone that you care about because you've been together so long, and you have children together.

But I don't think it was romantic love, so to be experiencing "romantic" love as an adult, is quite mindblowing. And every day, it just grows and grows.

I don't know how my boyfriend feels about marriage. And I don't want to ask, yet, because it's way too soon. But maybe in a couple years bring up the conversation.

I'd like to think that my ex hasn't ruined the concept of marriage for me. I never really got to have a "wedding", it was just a courthouse type deal.

So it would be nice, if I ever get married again, to have a wedding. I would want it to be simple and at the beach, surrounded by friends and family.

But if in a couple years I find out my boyfriend isn't the marrying type, I won't be upset. It's not a deal breaker for me. All I care about is that I'm with someone that loves me, and is devoted to me.

I don't need legal papers to know that someone cares. It's just a formality, although much as it has been amazing to experience real adult romantic love, it might also be nice to someday be in a marriage that is actually a positive experience, haha.

I almost feel like with this divorce, I've gotten a second chance on life. I don't have to be miserable anymore, I don't have to live for his desires anymore. I can be a little selfish, and be who I want to be!