It seems you're just telling me what you think I want to hear

Hmm. It's been 2 weeks since I've written. Suppose I should churn out a blog entry, eh?

So in talking some with one of my friends I've come to the realization that I'm depressed. Not like I was before, where I was empty... no that's not right, I was full of something, and it was despair. But still slightly in a fog of depression. I spend most days completly apathetic. And I don't get excited about much. Don't look forward to much. Feel like a lot of things are hopeless. But don't worry. Not to the degree as before, where I was almost suicidal and required therapy and medication. Just feel like I'm in a funk I can't snap out of. And I'm not quite sure why.

For the most part, things are going well. My kiddos are happy and healthy. Adjusting okay to daycare, which is a relief. My friends are awesome, as usual. My boyfriend, for the most part, is amazing. (Nobody can be perfect or amazing ALL the time, I'm sure I have my unamazing moments as well). Work is going good, for the first time in a long time I'm being recognized positively at work, and it's a nice feeling. Plus I'm getting way more hours. And while the adjustement to working dayshift and longer hours has taken a toll on me, I'm getting there.

So I'm trying to think of whats still making me emo. And I just don't know. I mean there are bad things, stressors, in my life, still. But I would think by now I'd be used to them, and not let them bring me down. Worries over finances, worries over my relationship, worries over my ex being a douchebag and a deadbeat dad. I dunno.  Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. Letting negative emotions overwhelm me when I have so much going for me. Maybe I just don't know how to be happy. I've spent 9 years with my ex living an unhappy life, and now that things for the most part are good... I just have to ruin it with my own negativity.

I'm just trying to figure myself out. Find myself, if you will. Figure out why I feel the way I do, why I act the way I do. And try to stop the bad habits. I'm tired of making mistakes. I'm tired of having regrets. Tired of wasting time. Tired of feeling sadness when I should be feeling love and happiness. Life is supposed to be an adventure... and I feel as if I'm just going through the motions.

Well I'm gonna try and stop it. And this time, without therapists or drugs. I'm doing this to myself, this negativity and self-sabotaging. It's gotta be up to me to stop it. At least thats the way I feel. Maybe I'm being stupid, who knows. Everybody tells me I'm so strong... then why is it that I always feel so weak? I know I've been through a lot, but I'm scarred... and scared. Why can't life be easier? Well then... I guess that just wouldn't be life, would it?

And then there was you

I know, I know, I haven't blogged in 2 weeks. But hey, at least it hasn't been as long as before, I'm getting better! I just got done reading my friends blog post. The one I blogged about before. The one who I'm trying to find a man for, haha. She is talking about giving up, and I don't think she should!

Life, nor love, isn't supposed to be easy. Happiness isn't handed to anyone on a silver platter. It certainly wasn't the case for me. I had to overcome A LOT to get to the happy place that I am today. I had to deal with the fact that my husband of almost 9 years didn't want me anymore, and in fact, had replaced me with someone else.

That was quite a blow, seeing as how I had dedicated most of my life to him. So I had a lot of insecurities to deal with stemming from that. And it took awhile for me to come to terms with what I felt, and what it all really meant. I finally realized that there was nothing wrong with me. He wasn't neccessarily so much unhappy with me, just with himself, and life in general. And replacing me was the only thing he could change.

Well he's still not happy, and maybe he's realized the err of his ways, but it's too late now. He has to work on his own issues, find his own happiness. Not rely on another person to make him happy, otherwise he's just going to end up in the cycle of replacing the next girl with the next girl with the next hoping that he magically gets happy. Well it doesn't work that way!

I tried that for awhile, dated a bunch of different guys, most of them losers, trying to find someone to make me happy. But it wasn't until I fixed myself, and became happy on my own, that I was able to take the blinders off, and open my heart to someone worthwhile. And I almost feel bad writing about my own love and happiness, after reading about my friend's unhappiness and loneliness.

But maybe if I show her that my road to happiness and love wasn't an easy one, then maybe, just maybe, she won't give up prematurely. The dating scene is not an easy one, at all. It's hard finding a good match. And you have to date around, and open yourself to lots of different types of guys to figure out what is going to work best with you. And 9 times out of 10 you end up with failure. That's to be expected.

You aren't gonna hit a homer out of the park on your first try. And probably not your second, or third, either. I dated 5 guys before I met my boyfriend. And only 3 of those guys am I still friendly with. 3 of them I realized we made better friends than a couple, and 2, well 2 were total douchebags that better hope I never see them on the street if they don't want their balls removed!

Did it hurt when my husband divorced me for another woman? Yes. Incredibly so. But I healed, and I moved on. Did it hurt when I found out my boyfriend was secretly married? Yes. Very much so. But I healed and I moved on. Did it hurt when my next boyfriend tried to sleep with one of my friends? Yes, but not as much, b/c I had learned to pull back a bit an not invest my total heart until I knew for sure they were worthy.

But again, I healed, and moved on. Did it hurt when the next guy 2 guys I dated only wanted to be friends with benefits? You bet it did. Made me feel like I had nothing more worthwhile than sex to offer them. Did it hurt when the next guy I dated whom I thought was really hot and totally a catch have zero feelings for me? You betcha. But, I got over it. You learn to get over things.

And not let them devastate you, or make you give up hope. I never lost sight of the fact that somewhere out there was the right man for me. I didn't know how long it would take me to find him, or how many loser's I'd have to go through before finding a winner... but I wasn't going to let a few bad experiences totally shut down my heart. I had love to give. I knew eventually, I'd find someone worthy. You just can't rush it.

Or go into everything thinking that they could be the one. Just know that when you do eventually stumble across it, it will be amazing. And you will know. I knew within the first date that my boyfriend was the one. But it doesn't always happen that way. I love him with such a passion, a passion unlike any I've ever felt before. Before all I had experienced was puppy love compared to this feeling.

I know in my heart that he is the one for me, and I doubt that anyone out there could make me happier than he does. And I am quite content to spend the rest of my life with him. He is so good to me, and the breadth of my feelings are just all encompassing, almost overwhelming at times. I can only hope that he feels at least one iota of how much I feel for him.

I know he loves me, and I can only hope that our love continues to grow. Just like I can only hope that my friend doesn't give up hope, and realizes theres someone out there waiting for her too. She just has to give dating a chance! She has everything in the world going for her, her only downfall is her shyness and her lack of self confidence. Once she works on those, the world is her oyster, as they say! :P

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Hello there. It's been awhile, eh? Like what, 6 weeks? Yeah... don't really know what to tell ya, haven't been in much of a writing mood, I suppose.

But my friend says she misses reading my musings... and since I've always aimed to please, I shall try to be better about writing here. Try. Really. I will!

So I thought about what I should write about. I have enough stuff going on in my life right now. Drama that I don't really feel like writing about at the moment, so I've decided to write a bit about something that's been weighing on my mind. Not neccessarily my own drama, it's my friend's, but since I set it in motion so to speak, I feel somewhat responsible.

She has been single for quite a while, and upon seeing me find a successful, happy relationship lamented how she was tired of being alone, and wanted to be in a relationship as well. So she begged. She pleaded. For me to find her a boyfriend. So I tried. And tried and tried. Well, she didn't make it easy! She is quite possibly the worlds shyest person. Which I can kind of relate to, because I am somewhat shy as well. And everyone is afraid of rejection. But she just takes it to a whole new level. I've tried to help her the best I can, and I hope, with writing this that I will give her the boost she needs to do what I think she needs to do, haha.

I found a guy for her, a guy that I think is perfect for her in all regards. He's a great guy, truly. And she really, really likes him. But, she is unsure of her situation with him. And instead of doing the simple things and just ASKING. She is continuing to drive herself mad, probably giving herself an ulcer, no doubt. Worrying and stressing about the whole situation. She thinks he isn't into her, and that she should just give up. I tell her she has nothing to lose, and quite possibly everything to gain if she just asks him how he feels and what he wants.

But will she? Sigh. I just don't know. I've tried to explain to her that guys just don't bring up those kinds of conversations. If she wants to know where they stand, she has to initiate the convo. Don't ask me why guys are like that. I don't claim to understand men at all. I love my boyfriend like crazy, and think he is amazing. And yet, I still am confused as hell by him a lot of the time, haha.

I found this picture that I think is a good illustration that almost in a scientific way, haha, explains "relationships" and maybe will help her figure out what she has going on.

Every day of your life is a page of your history

I have and have had total writers block. I just haven't felt like blogging I guess. But Jenn told me she wants me to blog, and I do as I'm told, haha.

It's not that nothings been going on, stuff has. And it's not like even if there wasn't anything going on I still would manage to think of something to write about. I've just been MEH with the blogging.

I'm sure some of it has to do with I miss my old blog. And was sad that one person had to ruin it for me. And I just haven't been able to get too excited about this blog. I still check my old blog from time to time.

People still read it. Over 4k hits to it now... sigh... I don't even want to check how little traffic this blog is getting, lol.

I've been adjusting to the new reality lately. Before the responsibility of the kiddos was all on me, and very rarely did they spend time with their father outside of the time I had to work.

But now that he and his girlfriend have moved quite aways away and the divorce is ALMOST final (should be final June 4th I believe upon the completion of my parenting class) we have been splitting the custody 50/50.

He will have them overnight 4 nights one week, and then 3 nights the next week and vice versa. It was hard at first because I've never gone more than a day without seeing my kids, and I went 4 days without seeing them in a row!

But in a way, it's been a bit of a refresher. It was always about the kids and I never got any me time, so now I can get a break to renergize my batteries, which is good. Plus I am able to spend more quality alone time with the boyfriend, which I'm sure he appreciates. And more time with my friends as well.

I'm still trying to get the daycare assistance figured out. I got approved for it, but I still have to pay for a portion of it, and am unsure if at the moment I can afford to. Plus work is being weird about my having weekends off so I need to see if we can reach a compromise about that.

But eventually, hopefully, next month will start the kiddos in daycare, start working dayside, and go to a week on week off situation with the kids. Although... the more I'm learning in my parenting class about coparrenting young children in a divorce it's not good to go that long in between seeing the kids.

Only time will tell how everything is going to work out. I do know that I still want to start school for nursing in the fall. So just lots to figure out... just taking things one day at a time, and trying to make changes as slowly as possible because the kiddos are still adjusting to dad living in a new place and mom living in a new place.

Shit happens

My new mantra! Much better I think than "everything happens for a reason". To me that old mantra was too much of letting the world happen to you, not you happening to the world. Which is the way it should be.

Starting today I am going to seize the day so that I don't lose time, or have regrets. Today is a new day... and I'm going to make the most of it. No more living in the past, I shall only live in the present.

With some, but not too much focus on the future. I can't see the future... but I know what I hope for. Will it ever happen? I can't honestly say. I never say my story playing out the way it has so far, so who knows.

All I know is I'm going to make the best of everything! I'm going to focus on the love of my kiddos, the love of my boyfriend, and the love of my "true" friends. Everything else is just bullshit and not worth my time.

I hope today is a good day... but you know what, if not, it's not gonna kill me. It's not the end of the world. It just means that tomorrow is a new day, and my chance to make it a good one.

Sometimes all it takes is a kiss

In my old blog, I used to title every entry with an Incubus lyrics because Incubus is my favorite band, has been since I was 13. (New album comes out July 12th, so excited!)

But this is a new blog, so I must break the chains of old habits. The above is a lyric from Adele, quite possibly my most favorite vocalist (at least at the moment).

I've been listening to her a lot lately... maybe perhaps because I can relate so much to her lyrics, her pain. She's experienced a lot of heartache, as have I.

My friend calls me her dating coach because I give her advice on all things dating and guy related. I've had a lot of experience when it comes to this, both good and bad, stemming back from highschool, haha.

But it's cool, she can learn from my experiences, and my mistakes. Now if only I could follow my own advice! Haha...

I gave a friend some advice awhile back... and now I find myself in the same situation, and yet, I'm not following my own advice.

Maybe because I'm just hardheaded and stubborn and think that somehow I will have a different outcome... well only time will tell! But yes... defintely wanting that kiss right about now.... sigh...

Best memories come from bad ideas

I am probably one of the most honest, most forthright people out there. There's not a lot I hide, and I have a tendency to overshare. I realize this fully, but it doesn't bother me.

I know a lot of people are way more private than I am, and I totally respect that. I guess I just don't embarrass all too easily? 

And I feel that for the most part, sharing my life experiences helps not only myself to analyze my past actions, but maybe so that others can learn from my mistakes.

But there are some things, that even I, queen of gab, don't talk about. Everybody has secrets. And there are some that I will take to the grave with me. Oh, got your interest piqued, did I? Well I'm not telling! Haha.

It's nothing terrible... or is it? I dunno, I feel like everything I've ever said, done, or experienced has of course shaped me as a human being, for good or bad.

But for the most part, I feel that I am a good person, so why should it matter some of the "bad" things I may have done in the past? Everyone has demons, skeletons in their closet. I am no different.

And even though I usually don't mince words about how I'm feeling, or about people who have hurt/wronged me, sometimes  even I know where to draw the line, and show a little respect and decorum.

I haven't blogged in FOREVER because I've been busy with the move. Which was, horrible. There are no other words for it.

I could go on about how some of my friends were AMAZING and such great helps to me and I love them and will always appreciate what they've done, and work somehow to repay their kindness.

I could also go on about how I feel that there were some friends I should have been able to count on, that I wasn't able to.

For the most part, except for a few hours on one night where my boyfriend, my friend from highschool, and 2 random dudes I'd never met before helped me move the "heavy" stuff, I moved almost entirely on my own, with little help from others, with 2 little kids in tow, and in the bad weather of rain and hail.

There was a point where I went over 24 hours without showering, sleeping, or eating, because I couldn't afford to take ANY kind of break b/c I was in such a time crunch to get it done.

But the important thing is, it is done. I am moved in. And almost all unpacked and settled in. I survived. I'm a survivor.

I don't have any other option but to trudge forward, and make the best of the hands I've been dealt in life. I tell myself, that I've seen the lowest of the lows, and that things can only get better from here on out.

I hope this is true. I have an amazing boyfriend I love, but don't get to see much, but hopefully that will be changing soon with the bit of good news I got.

I was approved for daycare assistance, so I'm going to be working dayside again finally once I put the kiddos in daycare.

I never wanted to put my kids in daycare, but I just can't live off of working part time, so I need to be able to work fulltime, which I can only do if they are in daycare.

So not working nights anymore should make it so I can have more freetime, not only with my kiddos, but with my boyfriend, and friends as well. Finally feel like I can have a life again outside of working nights!

And as much as I love my children, moms need breaks too. And for the past 8 months, I've had the kiddos full time, with very little time for myself and I defintely get burnt out sometimes.

So starting I believe in June, the ex and I will be having kids every other week. It will be weird to go a week without seeing the kids, but in the long run, I think it will be beneficial that they get more time with their dad, and that I get a break so I have time to recharge my batteries and be a better mom for the weeks that I have them.

Never give up

I was very emo yesterday, and for that I apologize. I was just so stressed over trying to find somewhere decent for me and the kiddos to live in an ever shortening amount of time.

I finally just bit the bullet, and applied at a place that is about $100 more than I can afford a month, but it has the convience of a washer/dryer in unit (which is a huge plus when you have 2 lil kids) and it was someplace that actually looked nice and I felt I would feel safe living alone there with the kiddos.

I applied for some daycare assistance, because part of the reason I make so little a month is because I can't work very many hours because I can't afford daycare, so I rely on my ex, who isn't very reliable, to watch the kids while I work. If the assistance goes through, then I can work more hours, and be able to pay that $100 more a month with ease.

So hopefully, hopefully, things start to turn around for me. But needless to say today I'm in a much less emo mood, I'm not quite as stressed. Partly because I felt like I was giving myself an ulcer from all the stress and worry, so I've been trying to knock it off as much as possible.

Fuck everything

I've tried very hard over the last month to release my fears and just breathe. To not stress so much because it does no good. Well, I've finally reached my breaking point and I am beyond afraid, beyond stressed.

I tried as hard as I could, for as long as I could to keep the fears at bay. But last night they finally won the battle and they swooped in and overtook me.

How do I know this? 1) couldn't sleep at all last night which is a telltale sign that my brain is too addled with worry to shut down. 2) my stomach kept going from feeling like I was going to puke to the most intense cramping pain ever. Besides lack of sleep, I always know I'm stressed to the max when I start having stomach issues. I carry all my fear and worry and push it down into my gut, literally it seems and I start having physical reactions like that.

What am I so stressed/worried about, you may ask. Well, for the last month I've known that I wouldn't be able to afford to keep my apartment because I'm on a very limited fixed income and recieve hardly ANY child support, so basically have to support me and 2 kids on the pittance I make a month.

So I've been trying for the last month to find someplace to live. I've tried both trying to find someone who would be willing to be a roomate, but I got the same reply... sorry, not looking to room with someone with kids. Then I tried looking into rooms to rent... same reply... sorry, not looking to rent to someone with kids.

So then I've been on the hunt for a 1 bedroom apartment that 1) I can afford (meaning less than $500 a month) and 2) Looks safe enough for a little defenseless woman with 2 small children to live in without fear of being shanked or worse in the parking lot.

So far... no luck. But I have to be out of my place by the 30th. Which means I need to start moving into a place by the 27th b/c I figure I will need 3 days to move/clean. Well today is the 20th... So I need to start living somewhere else in 1 week! AHHHHHH.

I guess I'm to the point where I have to decide. Do I live somewhere that looks safe, and yet is out of my price range, and try to live "In the hole" every month and be late on all my bills all the time? Or live somewhere in my price range where I don't feel safe at all?

Let me tell you... it's not a fun or easy choice to make. But I've been backed into a corner, I have no other options. I still have yet to find a better job where I can make more. I applied for daycare assistance so hopefully if that goes through I will be able to start school in the fall so that I CAN get a better job. But until then, I'm floundering.

My family situation is so shitty I can't really go live with any of them. All my friends are sweet, but they don't want a roomate with kids. My boyfriend loves me and the kids but we've only been together 3 months and thats way to much to ask of a new relationship.

So I'm stuck. Left with making a decision where there is no good answer. Just have to decide which is the lesser of 2 evils. Wish me luck!

I'll sleep when I'm dead

Which night am I talking about? You will never know, muahahaha. LOL. No but really, I've had a lot of memorable nights in my life, particularly lately, with the boyfriend.

So let's just say this has to do with him, and leave it at that. I'm sure he would know what night I'm talking about *wink wink*.  Hahaha I'm making this sound way more dirty and mysterious than it is, but oh well.

Hmm. What to blog about. Things aren't too interesting right now. Just uber broke... uber stressed about being broke... uber stressed about not having found a place to live yet.

Trying to look on the bright side of things, and realize that there are alot of people out there that are worse off than me.

I know I'm blessed and lucky in many areas... just wish I could find somewhere to live so that I would have one less stress in my life!

Just watch my wildest dreams come true

For so long I had forgotten that life is an adventure. I was caught up in the boring monotony that was my life being in a a loveless, unhappy marriage.

But once that ended and I was able to break the chains of that depression, I realized that I was missing out on a lot.

So I've made it my goal to live again. Truly live. Every moment. Even it's just a simple moment of laying in bed with my boyfriend and cuddling. Just live and enjoy and bask in the happiness that is being in real love with someone.

But it's especially fun to have adventures, and seek thrills. I love rollercoasters, and so does my boyfriend and the other night while laying in bed we just perused the internet checking out super cool rollercoasters that I can't wait to ride with him :)

I am having such a good time now, I had forgetten that life can be enjoyable, it doesn't have to be all about just putting up with shit and being miserable all the time.

I can't wait to keep living life as an adventure, having fun with my boyfriend, whether it be simple things like cuddling and watching movies, or taking the kiddos fun places, or going hiking, or to the beach, or camping, or to an amusement park. It's all good, it's all thrilling to me.

I can't wait to see what the future holds for us... I have big dreams and hopes for my future... and hopefully it all works out! :)

I can always make you smile

Sometimes I get a little down when I think about the 9 years I wasted with my ex. I got married so young (19) and gave up so many opportunities to be with him. College being the biggest.

But I'm only 26... I'm in no way shape or form "old", I'm still quite young, so there's plenty of time to go to school and accomplish my dreams.

Sure, it's going to be a little harder with 2 little kiddos, but I'm smart, I'm strong, I'm dedicated, and I have goals. That's half the battle right there, I think.

A lot of people are too lazy, or don't know what they want to do, or even, what the want out of life. I know exactly what I want.

I want to go to school, and become a nurse. I'd like to be able to support myself and my family, without having to rely on government assistance, or anyone else for that matter.

My ex signed the divorce papers on Friday, so I should be served by this Friday, I'm hoping. And pretty much since we've already done mediation and agree on all the terms, once I sign them, and they get turned back in, it's a done deal. No 30 or 60 day waiting periods. It will be so nice to finally be FREE of HIM.

It's such a relief that he  hasn't ruined love for me. For the longest time after we split, I thought maybe either I would never find love again, or that maybe it just wasn't worth it b/c it only causes pain.

But I surprised myself by not only finding someone that I've fallen in love with... but someone that already, I love more than I ever loved my ex. And it's only been 3 months. That just goest to show you how terrible my ex was, and how amazing my boyfriend is!

Sometimes I feel like with my ex, it was highschool puppy love, that just ended up becoming love for someone that you care about because you've been together so long, and you have children together.

But I don't think it was romantic love, so to be experiencing "romantic" love as an adult, is quite mindblowing. And every day, it just grows and grows.

I don't know how my boyfriend feels about marriage. And I don't want to ask, yet, because it's way too soon. But maybe in a couple years bring up the conversation.

I'd like to think that my ex hasn't ruined the concept of marriage for me. I never really got to have a "wedding", it was just a courthouse type deal.

So it would be nice, if I ever get married again, to have a wedding. I would want it to be simple and at the beach, surrounded by friends and family.

But if in a couple years I find out my boyfriend isn't the marrying type, I won't be upset. It's not a deal breaker for me. All I care about is that I'm with someone that loves me, and is devoted to me.

I don't need legal papers to know that someone cares. It's just a formality, although much as it has been amazing to experience real adult romantic love, it might also be nice to someday be in a marriage that is actually a positive experience, haha.

I almost feel like with this divorce, I've gotten a second chance on life. I don't have to be miserable anymore, I don't have to live for his desires anymore. I can be a little selfish, and be who I want to be!

You shine brighter than neon lights

This has basically been my mantra for my life. Part of me really believes that everything does happen for a reason, and most of the time, I can figure out why (it just usually takes a few years before it makes sense).

But then theres always a part of me that thinks I just tell myself that to make things easier. Either way, it's a good mantra that keeps me going!

For the most part I'm a very positive person. I tend to be happy-go-lucky, look at the world through rose colored glasses, see the glass as half full, optimistic kind of person.

Sure I have my moments where I become cynical and start to think negatively. But for the most part I usually snap out of that pretty easily.

Maybe it's stupid, to try to be an optimist, and I have quite a few pessimistic friends that I'm sure I annoy with my positive thinking. But if I didn't have that, I wouldn't have survived all that I've been through.

I've survived a crappy childhood with a crazy mother, a long and crappy, abusive 9 year relationship with my ex where I put up with cheating for way too long.

I lost 4 babies due to miscarriage, and have been duped by a couple of shady men while first starting out new in the dating world again. And yet, I still keep a smile on my face.

Because despite all the hardship, my life is pretty damn good. I'm happy, I'm healthy, I've managed to be quite well adjusted despite my upbringing. I'm intelligent, caring, loving. I have amazing kids, and amazing boyfriend, and amazing friends. So I can't complain (too much!). :)

Endless love

I talked a lot in my last blog about how I was always afraid of everything, and I let fear control my life and I was tired of it. I've been taking steps lately to try to let go of the fear, and not worry quite so much about EVERYTHING.

I think I've made some progress. I can't help but wonder though if people aren't viewing my "releasing of the fear" as reckless.

I have to be out of my apartment by the 30th (thats in 16 days) and I've still yet to find a place to live. Normally I would be freaking out at this point, being scared out of my gourd.

But instead, I'm just breathing, taking my time, telling myself that I will find someplace to live, it's just a matter of a little more time. Trying to not panic. The fact that I haven't yet, is a good sign.

But I think some of my friends are panicking for me haha. It's just been very hard to 1) find a place I can afford, and 2) find a place that is affordable and that I don't feel like I'm going to be shanked in the parking lot.

Affordability is big, but so is feeling safe. Because oh hey, guess I gotta tell this blog my life story too... well not so much, I don't want to reveal too much for fear of aiding the "stupid" people in finding this anonymous blog.

But basically, I'm 26, and a single mom to a 4 year old, and a 10 month old. I have been split from their father (my soon to be exhusband) for 8 months. We had been together 9 years.

And he is/was a real piece of work. He was able to figure out a loophole where he basically doesn't have to pay me much child support. So I'm basically trying to figure out how to support a family of 3 on $13k a year.

Yeah, you figure that math out and get back to me, k? But on the bright side, I am now in a very happy an healthy relationship with someone I love very much.

Today marks 1 month that we have been "official" but we've been dating for almost 3 months now. And it's been the most blissful 3 months of my life! :)

But yeah... back to the scrambling to find a place to live. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps the reason that I haven't found a suitable place yet is because I just found out that one of my coworkers is looking for a roomate, so that would open up so many more possibilities. Keep your fingers crossed for me, eh?

Welcome to the dark side

Hello blogosphere. So I'm not new at this, I had a blog before... a quite good, quite popular blog before where I had written over 160 entries, and had almost 4,000 hits... but then some stupid people came along and had to take all the fun out of it.

So I'm starting new with this blog. Gonna do things a bit differently. Gonna be pretty much anonymous... so that should be interesting.

I will still be competly honest and try and share my life experiences, good and bad with you in hopes that you can learn from my mistakes and or get a little chuckle out of my crazy life.

This is supposed to be fun, and cathartic, to have an anonymous place to vent. Let's hope the crazy stupid people can't find this one and ruin that for me too!

I hope you enjoy reading my musings... I do enjoy writing them. Even if nobody ever read them... I'd still write, because I love to write :)